every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
