i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
