After last night, I could never be a politician.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We don't watch enough power rangers
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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