i don't like sucking hair
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
