He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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