my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
