I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
