dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
