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• (206): View more from Washington

  remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?

  (206): View more from Washington

  neither do i

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

  (775): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

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• (518): View more from New York

  You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

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• (458): View more from Oregon

  I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.

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