I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
