Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
