All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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