if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
