I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
