we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
