I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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