At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
