drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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