at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
