Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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