So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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