i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what day is it and did you see me today?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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