What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
