the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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