He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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