Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
