Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
