I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
