first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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