yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
