Non-Jews are for practice
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
