I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
