yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
