Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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