Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
