that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
