please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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