i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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