you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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