Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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