If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
