she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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