My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
