STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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