here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
