im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
