so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He keeps bees of course he's weird
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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