i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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