Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
