I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
