Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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