Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
