I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize