the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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