lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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