she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
