not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
