I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
