Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
