gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize