now i know why i became what i already was.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
