thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
