So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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