I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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