I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
