So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
