the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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