Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
