is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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