I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
