direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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