Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every concussion has its silver lining
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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