My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
