I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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