I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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