She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
