i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
